Holistic Sexual Wellness Isn't Just for White Wellness Influencers

Search “sexual wellness” and look at what comes back. Soft lighting, jade eggs, and a very specific kind of thin, pale, serene woman on a linen bedspread. Somewhere along the way, “holistic” got visually coded as one narrow look. And if you don’t look like that woman, it’s easy to quietly decide this whole world of wellness wasn’t built with you in mind.

That should bother you more than it probably does, because a lot of what’s being sold as trendy, elevated “conscious sexuality” didn’t come from that aesthetic at all.

Tantra has roots in South Asian spiritual tradition, not a California retreat. Many of the herbal and ritual practices being repackaged as premium wellness trace back to African, Caribbean and Indigenous traditions that were practiced for generations before they became a $40 candle in minimalist packaging. The knowledge is real. The people who built it usually aren’t the ones pictured selling it back to you.

That’s not a call to cancel candles. It’s a call to notice. Representation in this industry isn’t just about who’s in the photo. It’s about who gets to imagine themselves as someone this content is actually for.

Why this hits Black women differently

For Black women, being left out of sexual wellness isn’t just about marketing. It sits on top of a long history.

Our bodies have been studied, displayed and used without our consent. Sarah Baartman was put on display across Europe in the early 1800s as a curiosity. The man called the “father of modern gynecology,” J. Marion Sims, developed his techniques by operating on enslaved Black women without anesthesia. And for generations, Black women were painted as “Jezebels,” naturally promiscuous and always willing, so our pain and our “no” didn’t count.

So many of us grew up with the opposite message at home and in church. Keep your legs closed. Don’t talk about it. Be a good girl. Between being hypersexualized out in the world and silenced at home, a lot of us never got the space to ask a simple question: what do I actually want? What feels good to me?

Add the “strong Black woman” who carries everyone, takes care of everyone and puts herself last, and pleasure can start to feel like a luxury we don’t have time for.

It isn’t. Audre Lorde called the erotic a source of power, not something to be ashamed of. Our own traditions knew it too. Waist beads, worn for generations across West Africa, honor a woman’s body, her sensuality and her connection to herself. Pleasure isn’t something we have to borrow from someone else’s wellness trend. It’s ours.

And no, it doesn’t come with an expiration date

That woman in the photo at the top? That’s me. In my 60s. And no, I’m not done. ?

Desire, and the desire for sex, doesn’t go away because you’re post-menopausal. Our bodies change, sure. But your pleasure doesn’t expire. There are so many holistic and natural ways to get your juices back, from organic lubricants and massage oils to movement, breathwork and simply reconnecting with your own body. Pleasure is a practice, and it’s never too late to come back to it.

And 40-year-old men? Start now and thank me later. ? No, I'm not saying you have to keep them forever. 

I built Organic Loven because I was tired of being an afterthought in my own category. I was tired of walking into “wellness” spaces, sexual or otherwise, and feeling like a guest in someone else’s aesthetic instead of a person the product was actually designed for.

Here’s something practical, because holistic should mean something real, not just be a marketing word: if you’re shopping for any intimate product labeled “clean” or “natural,” check for glycerin and parabens, no matter how the packaging looks. Glycerin is a sugar-based ingredient common in mainstream lubricants, and it can feed yeast overgrowth and throw off vaginal pH if you’re prone to yeast infections. Parabens are preservatives that some research links to hormone disruption. “Natural-looking packaging” and “actually clean ingredients” are two very different claims, and a lot of brands are betting you won’t check. One way to easily tell when you look at the ingredients...if you can't pronounce it, denouce it.  If you can't read it, you probably don't need it.  You can find body-safe, chemical-free,, glycerin-free and paraben-free options at organicloven.com.

The bigger point underneath all of it: holistic sexual wellness should mean paying attention to your whole self. Your body, your history, your culture, your mindset, your spirit, your age and what actually feels good to you. It doesn’t mean buying into one narrow image of what a “wellness person” is supposed to look like. You don’t need to look like the woman on the linen bedspread to deserve products, education and care made with you in mind.

If you’ve felt like an outsider in this space, whether that’s sexual wellness, ENM communities or both, you’re not imagining that gap, and you’re not the problem.

That’s why I created the ENM Companion App. It’s not a chatbot. It’s a private coaching companion trained 100% on my own ideology, methodology and coaching frameworks, plus my books, webinars and seminars. It’s like having my 17 years of experience in your pocket, whenever you need it. It’s 100% private and available in 10 languages.

Come talk to me first at organicloven.com/enm-companion. Your first 5 conversations are free.

Your love. Your rules. Your freedom.

I'm Taylor K. Sparks,  Ethical Non-Monogamy Coach, Sex Goddess, and founder of OrganicLoven.com. I help individuals, couples, and relationship pods navigate the real conversations, the jealousy, the boundaries, the transitions, the hard stuff nobody teaches you, so you can build relationships that actually reflect who you are and what you want.